Week 1... stand still, look pretty

First week of a personal revolution, better than what I expected, in a diet way of speaking.

I have to eat more often than what I'm used to it, and healthier. I miss processed sugar a lot! when I see sweets and bread and energetic drinks, my mouth waters like crazy. But I had the chance to rediscover something I've totally forgot I love: fruits... the sweetness of a ripe mango, the taste of a golden papaya, the tanginess of a super green kiwi... mmm, that really is the best part of this diet.

I didn't go crazy as I thought I would, that I would be dreaming about counting calories and crying out loud every time some said the C word (chocolate...). But not at all. I haven't even been cranky. And I'm loving the feeling of being doing something nice for my health and gentle for my body.

The gym is the one thing that I'm not truly dedicated to. I went what? twice this week. I did 45 minutes of cardio and called the day. Although, I'm sure that's better than nothing. And something great came with the gym: seeing an old big love, remaining good friend, that I hadn't seen in forever. He's still cute. Not single though.

Other things haven't been so kind, unfortunately. People who love to talk shit. People who can't take responsibility for their actions. People who acussed you of being someone you're not. People who use you as a escape goat to avoid to deal with their problems. People who's just not worth to have in your lives, but people you'll miss no matter what. In the emotional side it's been a hard week, but things happen for a reason and He doesn't give you more shit that the one you can take.

As always that things go wrong, I turn it around. Now I have a beautiful black hair. The change has to come from every single place you can reach. I'm loving my new me: new hair, new attitude, new goals.

And as every night I said to myself, Of course you're beautiful... inside and out.

Hello hello, I feel full!

I feel full!

Today was my first day on this meal plan. It actually went good even though I wasn't fully prepared. I mean, I had to figure it out with whatever I had in my fridge and pantry, so it went ok.

Breakfast was a dilemma, because all this tempty things were like smiling at me: eggs, cheese, sausage... I settle for a cup of gallopinto ( for those who don't know what it is, is the typical costarican breakfast dish, rice and beans with natural flavors and a little sauce) and a portion of eggs and jam. Tere, the cafeteria lady, gave me this look of "whatever" when I didn't ask for more. I had a H2OH flavored water (no sugar) and eat slowly. I sat, as everyday, with Mari, Josh and Manny, and allowed the boys to tease for a little. I like that part of breakfast. Manny told us he got engaged, congrats!! Although we already knew it.

Went back to the office. Work, work, work. Whatever, whatever, whatever. At 10 am had my first snack, a sugar free yogurt and fruits. Yum.

By 12:30 I wasn't hungry but needed a break, so I went for lunch with Mari. I had cheese filled raviolis, salad and veggies with black pepper (I looooove black pepper). We teased Naty because she sat next to a random girl and they were both wearing the same red shirt. Then went for my cigarrette break. Back to work...

By 3:30 I had forgotten that I had to get a snack, so went to the cafeteria and a pack of saltine crackers, a milk pouch and the rest of the fruits from the morning did it. Little after that my shift finally ended! It was a loooong day without the Jet...

Before getting home I swung by the supermarket and spent $40 in food that in a normal situation I would've ignored: sugar free everything, low fat whatever and tons of fruits and veggies. I'm so proud of myself because I ignored the wine =)

Then I got home and start setting my fridge and preparing tomorrow's meals. For dinner I had a sandwich made of 0% fat bread, ricotta cheese, jam, lettuce, tomato and avocado and it was delicious. I didn't go to the gym because time run out before I know it.

It doesn't sound like much now that I think about, but I am full and satisfied. I hope the upcoming days will be this easy. The breakfast is the hardest part cause I'm use to eat up there. But the purposes mean everything. I wanna look as good as I can. Inside and out. And just for me! There's no boyfriend on the picture that I give a shit about.

Haha! I had a funny dream last night, I had like a button in my belly that you could open and all the air will come out and the stomach would be flat and cute. And then I was Miley Cyrus. WTF?

PS: Of course you're beautiful, inside and out.

May 2nd. The battle starts.

So, early today I got the promised text message to remind me that today life as I know is gonna start to change. My newly hired nutricionist, let's call her Anna, reminding me that my appointment was set for 7:30 p.m.

I got all excited since last week that I called her and ask her to help me out with this serious changing episode I'm starting in life. The weekend I went to PriceSmart with mom and bought serious kick-ass snacks high in fiber and low in fat to get everything prepared. I spent serious money on it.

So today, after barely making it at work, I even wait for the bus in a different stop with hopes of getting home faster and get prepared for the night! so exciting! I drank some juice, eat some food, smoke some cigarrette and watch some TV. at 7:20 I left for Anna's office, got there 5 minutes later. She opened the door for me and my first thought was damn... I wanna look like her in a month! That's not gonna happen of course, she has won the freaking genetic jackpot and probably could eat a cow a day and still will look like that. I've known her since forever. Well, anyways, there's nothing in the world you can't make with a little of determination and a lot of focus.

Ok, then we have to start somewhere and the ugliest part comes first: the weighing. The scale says something that I really felt like a bitch slap: 81.6 kg.... and I'm like, what the fuck have I been putting in my mouth lately? (that's what she said, hehe). No, seriously, that's freaking much. So then I feel embarrased... and then I snapped the hell out of it... that's why I'm here for, isn't it? to confront my fears, and to fix myself up. It is what it is and I'm the only one who is responsible for it.

So now we're talking about what we are gonna do to resolve the issues (I love that we talk, we think, we decide) and the solution doesn't seem that bad: I must eat little but often, with controlled portions of each thing. It's a lot of things to take into account and really boring to describe here (besides, my brother wants to sleep and the computer is in his room), so, I'm not gonna mention them here, but the point is, is not that bad!! I'm not going to die of hunger that soon. The problem is, there's a big way to go.

Ha, the bad news are, my energetics drinks are banned like, forever... the snacks I bought from PriceSmart are completely useless cause even though they're low in fat, they're high on sugar and I must be sugar free for the next month... ah! and no PB&J for me...

But that's the road to go. I'll keep it real though, not gonna be sleeping all morning because the nutricionist said no Jet... no way... but I won't drink 1 a day either. It's a compromise... And I'm hitting the gym as much as I can!

It all begins... Of course you're beautiful, inside and out.

New beginnings

I've always think of myself as beautiful. My mother taught me to love myself and to see the beauty that resides in me, doesn't matter if it's inside or outside. So, I've grown thinking how blessed I am because my eyes are sparkly, my hair twistes and tangles and my smile can stop traffic. Not that I think that I'm as hot as the Megans or the Angelinas, because, c'mon, let's be realistic, but when I walk into a room in skin tight jeans and a nice top, I know they're looking at me...

But I haven't feel like myself lately. I'm not confortable in so much skin and so little bones. I had to come to terms with the fact that I do have some insecurities and I'm not loving 100% what the mirror is showing me. I am beautiful, of course I am beautiful, but looks like the inside is getting the head up. And even though I think that's what really matters, it's all part of the same thing. And anyways, however you'll look at the situation, health does come first and I'm no longer playing in the borderline of what it's good and what could kill me. Now or later.

So this is what this blog is gonna be about. Changes. Sacrifices. New beginnings. All for good. Cause I wanna look in the mirror and love even more what it shows. I wanna say loud and clear: Of course you're beautiful... inside and out.

Becca